Wild Ponies
by Cyberbaby
Summary: after spence's attempted suicide ash is her therapist...HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

She sat in the car, the engine idling beneath her body as her hands tightened on the steering wheel until the skin turned white. Blue eyes scanning the four way stop light as the cars zoomed by waiting for her turn to move. It was silent in the car most like her house now a days, used to the quietness that left her to think of all that had happened to her in these few years. Tapping her free foot to the sound of her own beating heart, grocery bags piled in the back of her SUV.

The red light blinking its red hue into the darkness of the night, casting an eerie glow upon her pale features, she missed the sun light and the feeling of warmth spread across her flesh. Blinking her eyes she felt the wetness there, the tears falling on to her cheeks and shirt below. A shaky sigh escaped her trembling lips as her hands twisted tighter on the steering wheel. To the grocery store and back, those were her orders as he sat on the couch with his buddies watching the basketball game drinking the last of the beer. So late at night when she wanted to be in bed asleep she was sitting at a stop light in complete stillness.

A train whistle blew a few yards away, the sound able to blast through all the rolled up windows. Making something in her snap, she couldn't tell you what it was that made her think of this way out. Could have been the bruise residing along her ribs or the burn marks on her thighs or the feeling of his hands crawling over her skin from top to bottom or the small fact that when she got home he'd make her clean up his mess while he went upstairs to sleep. What ever it was that set the thought off didn't matter to her as her azure eyes which were secluded in rain drops darted from street light to street light the tires began to rotate bringing the car to a rolling motion.

Her car rolled into the intersection. Staring straight ahead afraid to see the oncoming car and with a small smile plastered on her face as a horn blared to her left signaling a crash about to happen she prayed for forgiveness. Metal upon metal echoed loud with in the car, more tears flowed down her cheeks as she clamped her eyes shut. The car flipped over into the sky, spinning before landing a foot away. Her body smashed, thrown and squashed between the steering wheel and seat as darkness over took her.

She awoke to sirens and yelling, broken glass lay all around her fragile beaten body but she felt nothing, the door flew open and strong arms yanked her out of the car causing a surge of pain to shoot from her now more broken ribs. A soft painful moan escaped her lips as she was laid upon the ground, blood pouring from several places on her body.

"My names Rob and I'm a paramedic can you hear me?" Rob leaned into her blurry view; he had straight red hair and gentle blue eyes. His skin was soft as he caressed her cheek, a smile wanting to grace her cut up face as she thought about it being the first time in a long time that a man had touched her sweetly and that her husband would freak out if he ever knew, "What's your name?" he spoke again trying to keep the woman's eyes from closing but it was no use, she had given up on life so she chose not to fight.

XXX

"What do we have here?" Doctor Louise Manson asked the incoming paramedics.

"Twenty two year old female, multiply abrasions, possible cracked ribs, suffered a head wound." Rob shouted off as the doctors took the stretcher from him and proceeded to check out the patient.

"She's failing, I need her in OR stat...Sarah have a room prepped and ready to go, she's lost a lot of blood so we need several pints." Dr. Manson yelled as her and her team rushed the young woman upstairs for surgery.

"Doctor her heart rate is falling," a nurse spoke while pumping air into the woman's lungs.

"Increase the medication, damn it is my room ready?" she called out while shinning a light in the woman's eyes, "Non responsive..." a nurse near by wrote it down on a clip board before rushing off.

XXX

Blue eyes flickered open as she stared up into a blinding white light, groggy and disoriented she tried to move but her body felt like a thousand pound weight had been secured upon every limb. Without moving her head she glanced around, several doctors stood around her, moving her eyes downward she saw her chest spread open wide, the white of her ribs showing thru the red muscle and blood.

"She's awake, shit where is the anesthesiologist..."

"Here I' am,"

"God damn it man put her back under she doesn't need to see this..." the anesthesiologist cranked up the machine and put the mask over her nose causing the room to drop back into darkness.

XXX

Once again she opened her eyes but this time there wasn't a blinding light. She was in a hospital room that was clear. Itching blankets upon her frail body but again she could hardly move. Wanting to cry out but the tube in her throat put a stop at that, pain racked her entire body as she realized at last that she had made it out alive, the thought of having to go back to him made tears escape her already swollen eyes allowing more pain to wash over her.

The door creaked open as a nurse came in to check on her, "Your awake..." she smiled kindly, "Don't try to speak," she hushed the crying woman, "We have a breathing tube in your throat. Just try to relax, are feeling any pain?" The woman nodded, "Okay I'm going to have someone come in and give you something for it..." and than she was left alone again.

XXX

A couple days passed and soon the tube was taken out and the pain had lessened but he never came much to her surprise.

"Take small breaths," the doctor told her as the tube was pulled from her throat. Once out she felt how sore the inside of her throat was, "Here drink this," Dr. Manson held the cup of water to her mouth helping the woman drink slowly, once she was done the doctor set it aside, "Can you tell me your name?"

"Spencer...Spencer Carlin," she gasped out using her maiden name in hopes that they wouldn't call her husband...

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer half laid half sat in the hospital bed because what else could she do really. Her arm was fractured in three places and the heavy cast made it hard to move. Bandages wrapped around her rips where she had to have surgery after her lung collapsed. Breathing was a bitch, pain would ripple out from her chest up her throat and into her stomach but she'd managed with small swallow breaths.

She had no clue how long she'd been in the hospital, at least two weeks by now and her husband had yet to show up which made her heart fell lighter although she knew that it was wrong to be happy about it which made the guilt surge into her brain, _He's your damn husband and your glad he isn't here...he was right you are worthless and a coward._ Shaking her head to clear her thoughts as one lone tear fell down her cheek; she wished some one would come talk to her. She had been alone except the few nurses and doctors coming in to check up on her condition which was getting better day by day.

"Spencer," turning she saw her main doctor walk in.

"Hey Dr. Manson," she tried to smile but really it was a weak attempt as she had nothing to smile about these days.

Dr. Manson stood at the end of the bed checking the chart which hadn't changed in the three days she'd taken a small vacation, "How are you doing?"

"Um not to bad, my chest is hurting."

"Let me see," Dr. Manson set the chart down and came to the side of Spencer's bed, rolling the sheet down she saw the blood seeping on to the cotton wrapping, "Seems you may have undid the stitches again." The doctor sighed it was the fourth time Spencer had ripped the stitches.

"Sorry," the blond woman glanced down unable to stare at the disappointed face, she hadn't meant to rip the stitches at all, a few coughing fits and nightmares had made it happen.

"Look Spencer I'm going to have a nurse take you back in to stitch you up than after you wake up you need to talk to our resident psychiatrist."

"No,"

"You really don't have a choice my dear, this is what happens when you try and kill yourself." There was no malice or pity in the doctor's voice, just a plain truth hidden in the tune. Dropping her head in defeat she nodded and the doctor sent a nurse in to take her up to get new stitches but just because she was being made to see a shrink didn't mean she'd have to talk.

XXX

Ashley Davies, twenty five year old psychiatrist sat at her desk swarmed with varies case files. Scratching her forehead while trying to write out the latest diagnosis for one of her patients, the whole thing was getting tiring. She wanted something different, challenging, she wanted to feel like she was really helping someone out and not just prescribing medicine to keep them in check.

"Hey Ash," looking up she saw Aiden Dennison a long time friend who worked for Saint Mary's General Hospital as the director, youngest in history so far, leaning in the door way. His jeans snug in place and his feet covered in converse while his white wife beater made his six pack abs stand out. Brown hair swayed in his face which he quickly flipped away, letting it grow out once graduating from college. He was what every woman wanted, charming, sweet and as a lot of people say a total hottie. But he wasn't her type at all because he was sporting some equipment she found not very appealing and the title of man she went for the ladies and he was fine with that.

"Hey Aid what are you doing here?" she wondered sitting back in her chair, the case load forgotten already.

Smiling he sit down in the chair across from her desk, his feet coming to rest on top of the desk, "Just checking up on my bestest friend in the whole world," he joked.

"Funny what do you want?" if he had to butter her up he always wanted something.

He dropped his legs back to the floor and sat forward, "I have a case I think is right down your ally."

"Aiden come on I don't have time, I've got like four other people to see as it is."

"Come on Ash you can so pass those on to someone else, I need your help please?" he clapped his hands together and started the puppy dog eyes.

"I don't know..." she sighed. He was right she could pass on the case load but it kept her from thinking about her messed up life, her mother and sister and her dead father, she always found it completely funny that she evaluated people to determine if they were crazy or suicidal when not to long ago she sat where her patients did having some old senile hag tell her how crazy she was, "What's the case?"

"Yes,"

"I didn't say I'm taking it," she pointed sternly.

He held his hands up, "Okay fine but um...look its female and uh, can you just come by to talk with her."

"Why won't you tell me her name?" she asked curiously.

"Trust me just come by you'll love this," he smirked when he saw the wonder in her eyes, "Great come by at five..." he stood and walked out the door.

Ashley jumped up from her seat rushing toward the door, "I didn't say I was taking it!" she yelled down to the retreating figure. Aiden just waved over his shoulder without turning around, sighing she stalked back to her chair and glanced at all her papers, pressing a small button on the intercom, "Tim find me someone to take my cases for a while I have a new client."

"Right away ma'am," the voice of her assistant spoke before clicking off to do as she asked.

"This better be good Aiden," she breathed out before continuing what she was doing before being interrupted.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

The alarm went off at ten o'clock waking the sleeping brunette from her slumber. Rolling over she shut it off and threw the covers off. Stretching she made her way down stairs to the kitchen where she made some coffee; while it began to brew she yawned and headed for the shower.

Dropping her boxer shorts and lifting her wife beater off, she stepped into the warm liquid flowing down from the shower head. Letting the water soak her auburn hair till it hung heavily around her shoulders, lathering up her body and using shampoo and conditioner until her entire body screamed clean. Getting out she dried off, wrapping the towel around her slim athletically tanned body she walked back into her room to stare at the closet trying to decide what to wear to her one and only meeting today.

Stalking down the hall she pushed open one of the bedroom doors, creeping up slowly to the sleeping figure in the bed. Leaning down so her lips barely brushed the ear lobe, "BOO!"

The person screamed and fell out of bed tangled in the covers, "Damn it Ashley...do I have to get a lock for that damn door."

"Chill Dennison what's with all the cussing anyway, long night?" Ashley wiggled her eyebrows as the man as he untangled his spider man sheets from his legs.

"Shut up Davies at least I had a hot date as for you, little miss in-bed-before-ten..." he scowled, not one for a noisy morning wake up. Aiden and Ashley have been friends since high school and after graduation bought an apartment together where they still live today.

"I was tired," she lied. She'd been thinking about her life and empty a lot of alcohol bottles yesterday.

Smirking he finally saw what she was wearing, "Aw honey you know I'm not in the mood in the mornings."

"Please Dennison you're too much of man for me," she scoffed.

"So true besides my boy toy Derek takes care of my needs more than you could," he laughed at the disgusted look on his friend's face.

"So how is the boyfriend?" she wondered. Out of all the boy's Aiden had dated over the years Derek was her favorite, so sweet and caring and was always doing things for her friend. But most of all he was quiet and didn't get in her business and didn't mind the fact that she and Aiden spent most of their time together.

"Great, last night he took me to the ball game."

"Your team win?"

"No his did," Aiden laughed at the memory of Derek's little victory dance in the parking lot, "We went out for drinks as celebration on his part and a cheer me up on mine."

"Sounds fun,"

"Look Ash not that I mind the eleven am wake up from a hot chick in a towel but um did you need something?"

"Oh yes I did...you didn't tell me anything about this female, how am I suppose to dress?" He chuckled a bit while shaking his head, "What?"

"Nothing, just um casual I mean this is the only person you're going to be seeing for a while so I'd go comfortably." Nodding she ran back to her room changing into jeans, converse and a black baby tee. Aiden appeared in the door way with his arms folded staring at her brushing her long hair up into a pony tail, "So I have a question?" he started his face taking a serious look.

"Shoot," running lip gloss over her lips while glancing in the mirror one last time.

"So..." they started back into the kitchen, both sat down with a cup of coffee in their hands.

"You know that's a really great question Aid," she giggled at his flushed face.

"You like Derek right?"

Seeing this was something important she put all joking aside, setting her cup down she put all her attention on her best friend, "Yeah why?"

"Do you think, is it okay I mean if he...what I mean is can he like move in with us?" Aiden ducked his head afraid to see Ashley's reaction, a minute ticked by with no outburst; gaining courage he lifted his eyes to see a giant smile on Ashley's face.

"You are so in loooove!" she sang while nudging him.

"Quit it..." he blushed. It was a hard task at making Aiden blush but once it happened you'd want to see it again because it made him look even cuter.

"So what brought this on?"

"Well his stupid Land Lord is kicking him out because he found out that Derek is gay,"

"Are you serious just because he likes men over women he's being evicted?" this pissed Ashley off greatly so much that she was ready to stomp over to this Land Lord and give her a piece of her mind with a side order of fists.

"Calm down tiger," Aiden laid a hand on her shoulder, "He's being evicted by next week."

"We'll have him moved in by Saturday." The smile on his face made Ashley feel alive, she loved making her best friend happy.

Picking her up in a bear hug, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he chanted happily before putting her down, "I have to call Der and tell him the good news!" he squealed like a school girl with a crush and that's probably the only time you'd think he was gay, as he ran down the hallway. Shaking her head she continued to go thru the rest of her morning doing nothing until she had to meet her newest client.

XXXX

"Okay so can I have a little hint Aid, I mean I don't even know what I'm treating her for?" Ashley whined as they walked the hall ways of the hospital. Aiden was off work today but he volunteered to go with her to help out anyway he could.

"Well she tried to kill herself," he stated. She placed a hand on his shoulder stopping him from going any further.

"That's it, that's all you're giving me to go on?"

"That's all we know besides her name?"

"Which is?" she hated mind games and he knew it. He pointed behind her, turning she stared into the room at which he was pointing and saw a young blond woman staring blankly at a nurse who was drawling blood from her arm. The nurse seemed to be talking but the woman either wasn't paying attention or just didn't care to respond. She had cuts all over her face and a cast on her arm but they did nothing to take away the beauty of the creature. Recognition crawled its way into her mind as she spun around in shock, "Is that?"

"The one and only King High Ice Queen, yep," Aiden stated proudly, obviously he thought it was a good surprise. Dumbfounded she turned back to stare at the younger girl...

_Ashley ran the track, the gym coach was being a real bitch today making the freshmen run around the dirt made track for the entire period. Breathing coming in short gasps she focused on the stretch before her instead of how much longer she had to go. From the corner of her eye she noticed a small blond girl coming up on her, passing by in a flash of wind. Ashley was impressed seeing how she'd always been the fastest runner in her class. Finally the coach blew her whistle signaling the end of the run, slowing her pace till she came to a stop, bending over gasping._

_Glancing up she saw the blond girl laying on the grass sprawled out, smiling Ashley stood up and walked over to her, "You're pretty good," she spoke standing over the poor girl blocking out the sun. _

_The blond opened her eyes staring at the brunette above her, Ashley almost lost all the air in her lungs as two ocean blue orbs looked up at her, "Thanks..." the voice was small and shy some how fitting for the girl._

"_You new I haven't seen you before?" Ashley asked plopping down next to the girl._

"_Yeah I uh...skipped a couple grades." She replied tucking a loose strand of blond hair behind her ear._

"_How old are you?" _

"_Eleven," she spoke softly._

"_Eleven and your already a freshmen in high school, how smart are you?" Ashley couldn't believe this cutie was in her grade yet was still a child._

"_I don't think I'm smart but my mom thought it was a good idea, I wanted to stay with my friends." It sounded like the girl was on the verge of crying but held it in._

"_It's okay," Ashley cooed rubbing soothing circles on the girl's back, "What's your name?"_

"_Spencer, what's yours?"_

"_Get away from her dyke!" a voice that could kill Satan him self pierced thru there quiet meeting. The two looked up to see Madison Duarte, head cheer leader for the freshmen's, and her drones. Madison grabbed Spencer's arm and yanked the frail girl to a standing position._

"_Let her go Madison," Ashley glared standing up too._

"_What would your brother say if he saw you hanging out with a lesbian huh Spencer?" the little girl put her head down in fear but kept her mouth shut, "You know you are lucky because if I wanted I'd go tell your brother and he'd tell your mom and you know how she is.  
_

"_Please don't tell Glen please?" Spencer begged with her hands clasped together. Madison stared at the blond as if waiting for something more that would give her the reason not to tell, "I won't ever talk to the dyke again I promise!" _

_Ashley glared at Spencer, "You know what like I even need you Miss. Prissy, go hang out with the cheer breeders for all I care." The brunette stocked off._

"Ash...Ashley, you going to talk the job?" Aiden nudged her out of the memory.

"Huh...um, yeah I'll take it," she nodded and headed into the room.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

"So my family was on the slopes for about an hour..." the nurse droned on and on about some vacation she'd just got back from but Spencer wasn't paying attention. It seemed that every nurse or doctor that entered her room hated silence, just because she refused to hold a decent conversation with any of them they had to go on and on about their families, patients and holidays. It was ridiculous; she wanted to strangle the next person who thought she was a listening dummy.

Spencer glanced up and smiled shyly, the nurse was really pretty. Long blond hair with brown streaks and gorgeous brown eyes, shaking her head to get the indecent thoughts from her mind, I have a husband for God sakes, she chided. As the nurse finished drawling the blood Spencer sat forward picking up her cup with the good hand taking a small sip. A voice cleared in the door way making her turn as soon as the figure was in her sights she lost all feeling in her body, muscles that she thought she had no longer existed as the cup slipped from her fingers, drifting in slow motion to the floor where the liquid contents spilled out.

"I see your still a total klutz," the voice growled making Spencer shake quietly in her bed unable to run from the woman. Their eyes locked in a heated battle of wills that Spencer knew she couldn't win as her will had been broken and beaten down so far that she no longer could use it so she was the first to drop her eyes guiltily to the blanket over her legs and she swore she felt amusement in the woman's stare.

"Don't worry Miss. I'll have it cleaned up for you," the nurse smiled warmly as she pulled some paper towels out of her uniform pocket and began to wipe up the spilled water as if it happened all the time. Spencer hadn't felt this guilty for a while the last time had to be when her big brother Clay had called to wish her a happy birthday...

_Spencer sighed as she entered her room, plopping down on the bed not caring that she was still in her cheer leading practice uniform. The day wore on and not one of her friends remembered it was her birthday until she reminded them not subtly either. The group she hung with made her feel like she was losing her brain cells day by day, even her teachers were getting upset with her lack of concentration in the class room._

_Staring at the ceiling she allowed the comfortable silence to loll her into her safe haven of her mind. Paula, her mother, was at work until five and her brother Glen had gone on an early date with Madison so she had the house to her self. As her eyes began to droop the house phone went off, sighing she rolled out of bed and trudged down stairs, "Hello?"_

"_May I talk to the Queen of all Teens please," the deep voice chuckled._

"_Clay," Spencer squealed as she sat down in a chair with her legs secured underneath her body, "How are you?"_

_Clay laughed at how excited his sister was to hear from him, "Good just working and stuff so how's my little birthday girl, turning the big 1 6?"_

"_You know the same old same old," she giggled._

"_Spence come on this is me your talking to, I need a bit more that the same old crap routine."_

_Sighing she scooted further down in the chair, "Everyone forgot my birthday again."_

"_I didn't,"_

"_Yea but your not hear so it doesn't count," she bitched not meaning to but when you go all day with the fake attitude it gets hard to shut off. Spencer heard her brother sigh sadly, "Look I didn't mean anything by that."_

"_Sure you didn't, Spencer..." he stopped unsure of what he really wanted to say, "You know I'd be there for you if I could right?"_

"_You can you just chose not to," she bit back. Him not being around was a sensitive subject that the two usually skipped around._

"_Oh that's bull shit and you know it," he growled not liking the tone in her voice, "You know mom..."_

"_Mom what huh Clay, you're an adult you can come back if you want. I'm not saying move in here because God I don't even want to live her but you could like get an apartment or something close by instead of living all the way in Oregon."_

"_Even if I did live a few blocks from you, you wouldn't visit and you know it."_

"_What ever I so would,"_

"_No Spencer you wouldn't, maybe when you were younger but...I don't know something happened and your not the same little girl that used to get sad when I had to leave for class."_

"_Just because I grew up doesn't...you know what Clay maybe mom was right you choosing to be gay ruined this family so stop calling," she growled and hung the phone up. She hated herself for saying that because she didn't believe a word she said, with everything going on it was just easy to take it out on him since didn't live in LA but now sadness enveloped her, she knew she just lost the one person who made her feel good about her self, slamming the phone back in its holder a bit more forcefully than needed she ran to her room and screamed as hard and long as she could into her pillow before crying herself to sleep._

Even to this day she hasn't heard from her brother but his boyfriend Carl pictures of them and wrote letters unknown to Clay so she knew what was going on in her brother's life and was so happy that Carl was such a great guy to do that for her.

"Miss. Carlin?" there was that voice again; Spencer lifted her head up to see that they were alone in the room.

"Ashley," she spoke quietly.

"It's Miss. Davies to you," Ashley harshly told her. Spencer jumped as her body trembled a little while she nodded in understanding.

XXXX

Ashley stepped into the well lit hospital room watching the scene before her, is little Miss Homophobe checking the nurse out? Yep, Ashley watched as hungry blue eyes scanned the shapely nurse and Ashley had to agree that the woman was hot in a heavily induced make up kind of way but hot none the less. Clearing her throat to get their attention, Spencer turned her head to see who had interrupted her taking a drink of water. As soon as their eyes locked the blond dropped the cup in her hand making water discharge all over the linoleum floor. Ashley was sure she saw several degrees of fear flash threw the ocean of her eyes making the brunette slightly happy that the emotion she used to feel toward the blond was now reversed, "I see your still a total klutz."

They locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity to Ashley, she felt like she was drowning in a sea of confusion until Spencer finally looked down and she missed those blue eyes already but was mildly amused at the out come, "Don't worry Miss. I'll have it cleaned up for you," the nurse broke her out of the little happy dance she was doing in my head. Quickly the woman cleaned the mess up making sure to get all the water so no one slipped by accident. "Nice to meet you," she smiled and walked out when she was finished.

Ashley stood at the end of the bed watching Spencer, the woman seemed to be lost somewhere in her mind, reliving some memory obviously painful as her face contorted in sadness but Ashley didn't care, this woman had made her life hell in high school, was it fair that Ashley wanted to make this as hard as possible on the girl no but was so planning on doing so...yes, "Miss. Carlin?" After speaking Ashley wondered if the woman ever got married...shut it brain I don't care, she thought.

"Ashley," the voice was so weak and timid but all she heard was the same voice who taunted her name in the hall ways.

"It's Miss. Davies to you," she spoke as harsh as she could but actually regretted it when she saw the woman cower before her and nod in silent understanding. The room was silent as Ashley took a seat in a chair by the woman's bed, doing a once over she could see several scars and the bandages around the woman's rib cage, sitting back and folding her legs so she had a place to place her clip board and write she waited for Spencer to start talking but when it seemed the blond was more interested in the stitches of the blanket Ashley started, "Miss. Carlin do you know why I' am here?" the woman shook her head no, "I'm here because you tried to commit suicide and unless I deem you fit to return to the world you will be staying here unless I see you as a threat to yourself where if I decide you will be locked up in a psych ward."

Spencer gulped but kept her head down, "I understand," she whispered.

"Good now why did you try to kill yourself, what did mommy's money not get you the new car you wanted?" her snide remark bounced around the room but Spencer didn't respond, "Come on I don't have a life time here why'd you do it?" Really Ashley knew she was being unprofessional but she wanted out of this room, out of the memories playing over and over again in her mind, this was not a good job to take, she chided her self. When she realized the woman wasn't going to answer the question she took deep breaths and tried to get back into her professional mode, "Miss. Carlin..."

"Spencer please?"

"Miss. Carlin," Ashley began again, if she wanted to stay professional she couldn't start by calling her patient by her first name at least not yet, "Has anyone visited you since being brought in here?"

"No,"

"Why not?"

"I told them not to call anyone," she responded.

"You didn't want anyone to show up and find out that you tried to kill your self?" Again Spencer remained quiet, "You didn't want people to know that you aren't as happy as you pretend to be?" the words had less of a bit to them more softness working its way into her tone.

"I don't want to go home," Spencer's voice never went up more than a faint whisper making whoever she was talking to strain to listen.

"Why not?" the blond shrugged her shoulders, "Come on there must be a reason you don't want to go home?"

"Do you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere?" she asked with a hint of distress creeping up her throat.

"Sure everyone does," Ashley wrote down some information in her note book.

"But do think someone shouldn't have been born but was anyway?" blue eyes looked at her in such a way that reminded Ashley of their first meeting of a small frail girl who just fell down from running such a long distance and in a way Ashley thought that it was true.

"Are you saying you wished you were never born?" her only response was another shoulder shrug.

Ashley spent most of the time with Spencer asking question that she barely got any answers too, sighing she rubbed the back of her neck while sitting on her couch going thru all the notes in her note pad sure that there was something hidden beneath the girl who tortured her, "So?" Aiden asked flopping down on the couch beside her.

"So what?" she answered absentmindedly as she jotted down a few more things.

"Come on dish it out how demented is the Ice Queen?" he wiggled his eye brows.

Ashley sighed and shifted away, "You know I can't talk about a case,"

"But Ash," he whined.

"Leave her alone Aid," Derek shouted from the kitchen making Ashley giggle, the man always knew when she needed rescuing from Aiden.

"I wasn't doing anything," he shouted back before leaning in and whispering, "But seriously Ash what's she like?"

"Broken,"

"Severs her right for everything she did," he snapped besides Ashley he had been on the receiving end of many jokes and pranks from the blond.

"Nobody deserves it," Derek reprimanded his boyfriend, "Now leave her alone and lets watch this movie."

Ashley placed her papers in her room and came back out to watch some action packed movie with the boys but her mind wouldn't leave the hospital room where her arch enemy sat alone, there was something about Spencer, the same thing she saw on their first meeting hidden somewhere underneath everything the girl had built up and Ashley purely as a psychiatrist wanted to break in and find out.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

_Fifteen year old Ashley groaned as she entered her room, tossing her backpack on the ground and flopping down on her oh so soft bed. Staring at the ceiling in anger replaying the day's events over and over again in her mind, she thought her freshmen year would be different, less hostile but since one smart little girl transferred in the year just got worse and worse and now as the year was drawing to a close this had to happen._

_She woke up late and missed first period than at lunch Spencer dumped food on her, she didn't have a change of clothes so ended up being forced to wear her gym clothes, yuck! By fourth period her locker was painted with such words as dyke and cunt and guess who got caught with the spray paint can in her locker Spencer. The girl was suspended for two days that's it two days for months or years of humiliation. _

"_Ashley?" her mom's voice drifted thru the hard wood door, "Ashley?"_

"_What?"_

_Christine Davies pushed open her daughter's door seeing her lying on the bed, "What are you doing?"_

_Ashley sighed before pushing herself up on her elbows to stare at her mother, it was just her and her mom since her dad died in a car accident a year ago but that was alright because she was just like her mother and Christine was a really cool parent, "Nothing...going to start my homework soon since it's Friday that way my weekend is open."_

"_Well when I was at lunch today I ran into an old friend from college and she's going away for the weekend with her husband, taking their son to some basketball try out thingy anyway they have a daughter who needs babysitting and I mentioned all the experience that you had..."_

"_Mom you didn't," Ashley moaned dropping back on her bed._

"_She's going to pay you,"_

"_They all pay but I really just wanted to stay home this weekend," she sat up brushing her brown hair back out of her face._

"_Please?" her mom pouted sitting next to her, "I promised you'd watch her daughter...just till Sunday night. Look sweetie if you do this I'll let you skip school next week and go to that concert at the fair you wanted to go to...sound fair."_

_Ashley jumped off the bed throwing herself into her mothers arms, "Thank you so much!"_

_Christine rubbed her daughters back, "Your welcome but you have to watch her all week Ash."_

"_Got it mom I'm your girl," she smiled a big toothy grin. _

_Christine stood up ruffling Ashley's hair, "That's great so I'll drive you over there in an hour, sound good?" Ashley nodded starting to pack an over the weekend bag thinking this day is getting better after the horrible beginning she'd had._

_Her mother drove to the house, it was cute. Two stories, white with blue trimming, an oak tree in the front shading the house in shadows. Stepping out of the vehicle while staring up to the looming house, grabbing her bag she followed her mother up the path to the blue door, knocking the two waited for someone to open up. _

_The door swung open making the air sweep from Ashley's lungs, "Spencer?"_

Ashley sat up in bed slamming her fist on the alarm, growling she rubbed the sleep from her eyes trying to forget about the memory living inside her dreams. Taking a shower she got ready to head back to the hospital to see her favorite to hate blond.

"Ashley?"

"Yea Aid?" she called back slipping her shoes on. Aiden leaned in the door way dressed in his uniform consisting of black slacks, black button up dress shirt with a lab coat hanging on his shoulders.

"You need a ride to the hospital?"

"And get stuck there while waiting for you to get off, no thanks."

"Come on Ash we can get dinner afterwards?" he wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk.

"Right Aiden you only want the scoop on Miss. Carlin," she spit the name out like it was acid.

Aiden laughed but didn't say anything because he knows the past living inside her cause it also lived inside him as well. They both had issued with the blond so he dropped the issue, "Derek and I have been invited to Thanksgiving dinner with you."

"Why does my mom keep doing that," Ashley rolled her eyes grabbing her purse walking toward the living room.

"Because she secretly loves me more," he smiled, "I'm the son she never had."

"Ha your more a girl than me Aid, so what time are you coming over?"

"She told us five thirty."

"Great than we can go over together, so are you going to give me a ride or what?" He shook his head and walked out behind her.

XXXX

Spencer opened her eyes to the white walls of the hospital room, feeling comforted by the sterile smells and idle chit chat out in the hall by the nurses hanging out at the nurses' station. Taking a deep breath as best she could due to her still hurting ribs she moved her toes under the blanket watching the cloth move.

"I see you're awake," the sultry voice of Ashley Davies drifted into the room. Knowing the woman was coming in one way or another she mustered the energy to look over at her but never quite meeting the brown eyes scanning her body.

"Hey," her voice softly floated to the brunette who strolled in pulling the same chair she sat down in yesterday. Her jeans fit snugly on her hips, tennis shoes bouncing up and down with her legs as her shirt accentuated every curve on her torso.

"Okay so are you ready?" Ashley wondered.

Spencer's lip trembled not wanting to talk but not wanting this woman in front of her to force her into a crazy house but the fear wouldn't loosen on her cords so she shrugged giving Ashley the best she had at the moment.

"Let's start with when you felt the need to kill your self?" she clicked her pen ready to write down what ever the blond said.

"The night I drove the car into the um intersection,"

"You never thought of doing it before than?" Spencer shook her head, "What about your relationship with your parents?"

Blue eyes shot up to see Ashley staring down at her paper, "Look can you just sign the damn papers so I can leave I mean you don't even care anyway!"

Ashley looked up, the woman in front of her shrinking to the little girl she knew, "Did I hit a sore spot Carlin?"

"No," she pouted folding her arms not very well as one of them had a cast on.

"The only way this is going to work is if you talk to me honestly,"

"Would you believe me even if I did tell you?" Spencer raised an eyebrow; she knew that no matter what the woman in front of her had no reason to believe anything she told her so how could things change between them.

Ashley sat for a moment in the stillness of the room, the blond saw the wheels turning in her mind, brown orbs glanced up locking with her blue ones, "Yes..." one simple word but it meant so much more, digging deep with in both of them pulling at something that neither knew existed, "I will under all my power look at this objectively and any thing you tell me will be considered the truth."

"You're lying,"

"I said to under my power I didn't say this would be easy."

"Can't I get someone else?" Spencer pleaded hoping Ashley heard the desperation in her tone.

"Everyone else is busy so you're stuck with me, now you can either talk to me or talk to a doctor in the loony bin it's up to you really."

They sat in silence for minutes, hours, days but in reality it was only seconds passing them by each wondering how the other was thinking about the situation they had found themselves in, "Fine." Spencer relented not liking the way Ashley searched inside her soul without even glancing once in her eyes. She felt the older woman eyeing her ever move, every shift.

"Good."

"I'm sorry," Spencer spoke quietly. Her voice seemingly dropping each time she had to speak.

"What?"

The blond closed her eyes trying to make the room and the occupant disappear, she wanted nothing more than to leave this reality and live in the one she dreamed up when she was little girl.

"Spencer?" the voice was closer now, breaking into the darkness of her mind but she refused to give it up so easy, "Spencer?" but she didn't move or open her eyes. The chair scraped against the floor toward the bed, "What are you sorry for?" a warm hand found it's way on hers the thumb brushing over the back of her skin in a soothing manner bringing back a memory she all but buried the in the deepness of her mind.

"_Spencer?" Spencer stood in her door way mouth agape staring at the fifteen year old. _

"_Ashley what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice squeaking as it made it's way out of her throat._

"_She's your babysitter," Paula Carlin came from the kitchen wiping her hands off on a dish towel, "Christine so glad you came." The two hugged and started talking oblivious to their daughter's tension._

"_She is not babysitting me I don't need one," Spencer shouted shoving her hands in her jean pockets. _

"_Your twelve years old yes you do," Paula sighed heavily as if she'd have this conversation a million times._

"_I'm in high school!"_

"_Just because you're smart doesn't mean you're ready to stay home alone," _

"_Glen gets to stay home alone!" her tiny voice rising while her cheeks flushed._

"_Glen is two years older than you,"_

"_He almost burned the house down; even I know not to put foil in the microwave."_

"_Enough!" Paula shouted, "Christine will you excuse us..." the older woman nodded to Ashley who nodded back before grabbing her daughters arm yanking her away into the kitchen._

"_Mom,"_

"_Do not mom me young lady, I do not need you mouthing off in front of my friend and her daughter. Spencer you may be smart but you act so dumb sometimes, do not embarrass me do you understand. How your father put up with you is beyond me and I swear that school is so lying about you being smart because seriously Spencer..." she trailed off walking over to the fridge pointing to a piece of paper with a huge A+ in red written on the top, Paula yanked it down, "How many times have I told you not to put these up here huh Spencer?"_

"_But you weren't home I wanted you to see it," the little girl tried to fight back the tears wanting to flow down her face._

"_Take it to your room; we don't need you flaunting the fact that you're special." Paula thrust the paper into Spencer's hand than grabbed her arm again yanking her back into the living room where Ashley and Christine waited, "I'm so sorry about that. Kids." The adults laughed. _

"_I have to get going but we'll get together soon."_

"_Definitely, I have to meet Arthur and Glen at the airport so I'll walk you out. Spencer," Paula turned to her daughter, "You will do everything Ashley tells you...be good." She kissed her daughter on the cheek picked up her bag and walked out with Christine, the door closing with a resounding echo thru out the house._

XXXX

_Ashley watched how the twelve year old in front of her wiped at her eyes that threatened to tear up wondering what her mother could have said to her in the kitchen, "You okay?"_

"_Fine, look I'll stay out of your way and you stay out of mine!" the blond growled out._

_The brunette felt the anger from the girl's earlier actions spill out, "You know what Blondie that is not how this weekend is going to go do you understand me?" she shouted._

"_Leave me alone," the girl trudged toward the stairs but Ashley stopped her._

"_Don't want me to tell your mom what such a bad girl you were?" she knew she was abusing her authority at the moment, what happened at school should stay there but keeping her emotion in check wasn't an option for a teenager._

"_What do you want?" the girl cried out in frustration, "You want me to do your homework or..." she trailed off not knowing what she could offer._

"_No this is how it'll be I say jump you say how high got it, basically what ever I want you'll do." Ashley watched the girl open her mouth but cut her off, "Don't make it harder. You spill your food on me, spray paint nasty words on my locker and kept bugging me in class so now I have detention Monday after school."_

"_So do I!" she shouted back. _

_Ashley took a step forward causing a shiver to pass over the twelve year old making the brunette smirk evilly, "That is not my fault if you would have shut you dumb ass mouth up and left me alone we wouldn't have it now would we?"_

"_I was only trying..."_

"Would we?" Ashley glared effectively shut her up. Spencer shook her head, "That is what I thought now why don't you go up stairs and do your homework."

"_Um..." _

"_What?" Ashley sighed dropping on the couch turning the television on to the music channel as she got her homework out._

"_I...already did it." Spencer stood by the couch running her foot shyly on the carpet. Ashley looked up, seeing for the first time the twelve year old girl instead of her arch enemy at high school, "Do you uh maybe need some help?" she offered._

"_This doesn't make us even!"_

"_I know," her voice wobbled._

"_Yeah come on," Spencer smiled and sat down next to Ashley to help her out._

"I can't believe you did all that to me," Ashley shook her head.

"Yeah well I didn't mean to."

"Ha that is a lie I thought you were going to tell me the truth."

"I' am. Look the whole dropping my food on you, Madison tripped me. The spray paint well I don't know who did that but it was planted in my locker."

"Doesn't explain why you wouldn't leave me alone in class and got me detention?"

"I was trying to apologize but you wouldn't listen to me,"

The two sat there in silence once again, "You hungry?" Ashley asked wanting to get off the heavy topic and any other heavy topic that could come up.

Spencer shrugged her shoulders feeling the fear again.

"I'll go get us something from the café down the street." The brunette got up and rushed out of the room.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Ashley sat in the café down the street instead of the cafeteria at the hospital, she really didn't want to chance running into Aiden and having to explain why she left a bit early for lunch. Swirling her spoon around and around in her soup deep in thought...

"_So did you get it?" Spencer asked bringing her eyes off the cartoons parading on the television._

"_Yeah I think so," Ashley pushed her paper toward the little girl who started scanning the work._

"_Good job," Spencer smiled up at the taller girl._

_Ashley smiled back for a minute before realizing that this was her enemy and no matter how well they got on right now back at school on Monday it would just go back to pranks and heated words, "Thanks," she spoke with no emotion._

_The brunette saw Spencer's smile drop some and wished she would have kept up the peaceful banter they had been sporting a minute ago, "I...welcome..." she breathed out before getting up and walking upstairs to her room._

_Sighing Ashley put away her homework away which was done much quicker than usual due to the smart blond hiding upstairs; rolling her eyes she picked up her cell phone, "Yo?"_

"_You are so friggin weird," Aiden laughed at the way his friend answered her phone._

"_You wish you were this cool," she laughed back feeling better at the familiar banter._

"_Nah you can be cool I'll be a man's man thank you," _

"_What ever you couldn't get a guy if you wanted,"_

_Aiden sighed, "In a bad mood...come on I know what will cheer you up, I'll come over and we'll put on bambi and down some vodka."_

"_That would be great but I'm not home,"_

"_Where you at?" she could hear him turn down his stereo putting all his attention on her._

"_Don't freak out okay?"_

"_When someone says that it's usually bad," his voice shook afraid of what his friend could be doing, most of the time when she was in a bad mood she became a bit self destructive. _

"_I'm babysitting Spencer Carlin," she whispered as her eyes stayed glued to the stairs making sure the twelve year old didn't wonder down into her conversation._

"_No way!" Aiden shrieked, "I'm so over there," _

"_Aiden no," _

"_Come on Ash, did they say you couldn't have anyone over?"_

"_Well no bu..."_

"_...but nothing come on please?" he pleaded._

_She gave him the address than hung up; afraid she may have done the wrong thing._

"Are you done?" a voice interrupted her thoughts of the past; she glanced up to see a waiter standing above her with a soft smile.

Ashley looked down to her now cold soup pushing it away, "Yeah thanks..."

"You okay?" he asked taking the soup bowl off the table giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Fine...oh can I get a cheeseburger but with mayo and ketchup only, fries and coke to go?" he nodded and set off to get her order while she took a sip of her soda going back into her thoughts...

XXXX

Spencer took a deep breath bored to death of sitting in the hospital bed but with no way of leaving she had to suck it up, her head and shoulder was hurting a little more than usual, she reached up to press the nurses button, "In pain?"

Ashley's voice drifted into her mind, she looked over to see the woman holding a bag in her left hand and a soda in the right, "A little..." Nodding Ashley sat the bag and soda down on the table beside the bed and walked out, she came back a minute later with a nurse who checked her out before giving her some pain medicine than leaving them alone, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, they take forever to answer the nurse call..." Ashley shrugged scooting a tray in front of Spencer, taking the bag and taking out the food she bought, "Still take you burger with mayo and ketchup only?"

Spencer nodded as she watched Ashley set the food up and put the soda in front of her, amazed that the brunette remember how she took her burgers, taking a sip of soda, feeling the liquid fall down her throat brought her back to a different time...

_Spencer sat in her room lying on her bed listening to music softly floating from her stereo wishing her mom would have just let her take care of her self instead of inviting a baby sitter over and Ashley of all people. She closed her eyes and thought of Ashley, auburn hair glistening in the sun, brown eyes boring into hers, the tan complexion getting darker as Ashley was flushed with anger or annoyance._

"_Dinner will be here soon," Ashley knocked on the door not waiting for an answer before pushing it open and standing in the door way._

"_Get out of my room," Spencer sat up quickly rushing to push the older girl out._

_Ashley just smirked while easily pushing Spencer out of the way and entering the room to see stuff animals lying around, small kids toys stacked in the corners, her bed dressed with the Bratz, "Nice room!" she chuckled._

"_Please don't say anything to anyone?" Spencer pleaded, she hated that she was still a kid, things that no longer interested her friends in high school still appealed to her, people her age that she still had play dates with had the same stuff._

"_Spencer it's okay for you to like this stuff," Ashley spoke softly making Spencer scared and wondering why the teen was acting different than before._

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah, you're still young..." it didn't sound condescending or annoyed or amused just a fact stated._

_Spencer wanted to change the subject from her little kid girly room, "So what's for dinner?"_

"_Pizza, that okay?"_

"_I love pizza," Spencer smiled a big toothy grin, what child doesn't like the hot gooey baked bread of deliciousness._

"_Great," she sighed sitting on the bed not knowing what else to talk about._

_Spencer took a deep breath, "Ashley?" _

_The brunette glanced up, "Yeah?"_

"_Can I ask you a question with out you getting mad?" _

"_I guess," Ashley said slowly unsure if she really wanted to hear it._

"_Well...um you know how at school I call you a dyke like all the time?" Spencer cringed ready for the teen to go off on her instead she heard Ashley clench her teeth together and say yes, "Well what does it mean?"_

"_You don't know?" _

"_My mom has my computer on parental lock and not one of my friends will tell me, but than again I'd have to ask what it is and I don't want them to make fun of me for not knowing...is it like calling some one a loser?"_

_Ashley sat still for a minute staring at Spencer who couldn't bring her self to look up at the brown eyes boring into her, "No Spencer its worse..."_

"_...Like the F-word?" Spencer asked scared she was saying something as bad as the worst word in the world, at least to an innocent twelve year old._

"_It's worse..." the door bell rang, "that's dinner..." Ashley stood up walking to the door but before she left she turned to Spencer, "But I forgive you since you didn't know how bad it is." Than walked out._

_Spencer couldn't stop smiling, she had been crushing on Ashley for the longest time and even though they fought constantly at school due mostly to the hatred between Madison and Ashley she thought that maybe right now in her home during this weekend they could form some kind of friendship._

_Rushing to her dresser she picked out her favorite jeans and t shirt, a black baby tee with the Star Trek Voyager star ship on it with the words I calculate at Warp Speed, her uncle gave it to her when he first heard of her skipping a few grades, she loved the shirt a lot, than she put on her cleanest pair of sneakers, "Spencer dinner's here!" Ashley called up the stairs, smiling Spencer walked to the dresser pulling her hair into a tight pony tail than grabbed a board game hoping Ashley would want to play with her since no one else ever did._

_Rushing down stairs, "Hey Ash I thought we could play..." her voice trailed off as she saw Aiden Dennison sitting at the table with a slice of pizza in hand._

"_Aw how cute you're a little trekkie," he smirked with an evil glint in his eye, swallowing she set the game down knowing that Ashley wasn't going to play some stupid kids game with him around, she sat down silently grabbing a slice of pizza and just sat listening to them talk and ignore her, what hurt the most is she should be used to it but wasn't..._

"Spencer!" Ashley waved her hand in front of the blonde's face bringing her back to the present.

"Huh?"

"Where'd you go?" the older woman asked now sitting in her designated seat holding her notepad.

Spencer looked at the food in front of her which she didn't even realize she'd eaten, feeling bad that she didn't get to taste it before glancing back at Ashley, licking her lips to try and make her nervous disappear, "Would you have played that game with me if he didn't show up?"

Ashley's eye brows rose up in shock, not at the question but the fact that she knew exactly what Spencer was talking about, "I..."

TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

"...Yeah I think I would have," Ashley responded after a moment of silence.

"Really?"

"Yeah I mean we just started I don't know liking each other plus it probably would have been fun."

"Well that week was anything but fun," Spencer sighed.

"Look Spencer you have to see where he was coming from and me for that matter..."

"...I get it trust me, I was a bitch."

"Um okay," Ashley didn't know what to say, how do you agree with someone who called them self a bitch even if it was true at the time, "Let me ask you a question, if that weekend never happened would you have gone back to being the bitch at school on Monday?"

This time it was Spencer's turn to think about it, her mind replaying the rest of the weekend over and over again...

_The two of them sat talking and laughing while eating; ignoring the fact that Spencer sat across from them in her favorite cloths hoping for one of the brunettes to notice her like before._

"_So Spencer," Aiden began as Ashley started cleaning up some of the trash._

"_Huh?" the twelve year old responded picking at her slice of pizza._

"_Won't every one at school just die if they found out what a kid you are, being baby sat and wearing a trekkies shirt?"_

"_You...you wouldn't tell them?" she stuttered out but the gleam in his eyes told her that he would plaster it all over the world if he could._

_Leaning forward Aiden clasped his hands together staring right at her, "Not if you do everything we tell you to."_

"_Aiden," Ashley began before the boy pulled her aside the two whispering back and forth while the scared blond shifted back and forth waiting for them to remember that she is there._

"_Ashley is here to watch you, she's not your maid got it?" Spencer nodded unsure of where this was going, "Good now clean this up and do the dishes when your done come see us, we'll be watching television." Aiden grabbed Ashley's hand and the two strolled toward the living room._

_Spencer sighed as she gathered the dishes and entered the kitchen, she took the plates and put them on the counter than returned to the kitchen and tossed all the napkins and empty bottles of soda away. She started the water and began washing the dishes, rinsing and putting them in the drainer to dry._

_Aiden came in a few minutes later took a glass that she just washed filled it with some water drank it all down than dumped it in the sink to be washed, "Make sure to dry and put them away." He growled before walking out._

_Tears tickled her eyes but she held back, she had enough experience in her young life with crying that she learned to stop it before it broke the surface. Once she finished washing the cup he just used she let all the water out grabbed a towel and began to dry the dishes and put them away, she started with the silverware and plates but when it came to the glasses which needed to be put up in the cupboard well she was just to short, taking a deep breath she walked to the living room to see the two laughing and having a good time._

"_Are you finished?" he asked when he saw her standing there, she shook her head, "Than what are you doing out here?"_

"_I...I'm to sh-short to put the glasses away," she whispered afraid of the boy which made him happy._

"_Well at least I know how much of a coward you are when your cronies aren't around!" he laughed._

_  
"Shut up!" she yelled regretting it as it slipped from her lips._

"_Or what?" he asked standing up towering over her. She found it weird at school he didn't seem this big, quite small actually but now it was reversed she felt so little compared to this man._

"_Aid?" Ashley stood up placing a hand on his shoulder, "Come on Spencer I'll help you put the glasses away," she took the girl's hand pulling her away from the seething boy. In the kitchen Ashley took the cups and started putting them away, "Sorry about him..."_

"_...why you're just as bad as he is!" _

"_What?" Ashley asked turning around._

"_You're not stopping him so you are just as mean,"_

"_Mean?" Ashley narrowed her eyes to the girl shifting around nervously, "You want to talk about mean Spencer cause I'm sure I can one up you in that department with all the stuff you've pulled on us at school!" she yelled, "You know what maybe getting a taste of your own medicine this week will teach you a lesson." Ashley slammed the last cup in the cupboard above._

_Grabbing Spencer's hand she pulled the young girl out to the living room where Aiden was sitting on the couch, "Stop it!" Spencer pulled her arm away._

"_So what should we do Aid?" Ashley asked rubbing her hands together evilly._

_Aiden stood up with a huge smile, "Alright!" _

"_What time is it?"_

"_Um like eight why?" _

"_Because I think it's time to have a party," Ashley smirked, "Now listen here Blondie, You're going to clean this entire downstairs while me and Aiden go take pictures of your room for black mail than we are going to my house for an hour to get ready, don't worry we'll be back before anything bad happens to you."_

_Ashley pulled Aiden upstairs where Spencer could here him laughing at how childish her room was, she pulled the vacuum out and started cleaning as they came back down and walked out the door with out saying a word, she watched Aiden's car drive away and as soon as she knew she was alone started crying as she cleaned the living room._

_She didn't have much to clean since her mother was a neat freak and Glen and her knew not to mess the place up, once finished she curled up on the couch to watch television, some good old Spongebob humor to take away all the bad stuff happening and all the guilt running through her mind for liking Ashley._

"_Cute cartoons kid," Aiden sneered. She sat up quickly staring at both of the teenagers, well mostly just one of the teenagers._

_Ashley had on a short black skirt with a low cut white no strapped shirt, flip flops and just the right amount of make up, Spencer had never felt like this before, as if butterflies were fluttering her stomach and her hands started sweating; "Now I don't want to see you down here at all tonight got it!"_

_Spencer stared somewhat in shock barely catching anything Ashley had said as her eyes were mostly drifting from the brunette's face to her cleavage, "Did you hear her kid!" Aiden grabbed her arm yanking her toward the stairs, "Don't come down!"_

"_But what if I'm thirsty?"_

"_Use the bathroom," he growled._

"_But the..."_

"_I don't care," he cut her off pushing up the stairs, "Go to your room!"_

_Lowering her head she walked into her room and lied down on her bed, soon music started and she could hear several voices. A few hours past and she was now in her pajamas knowing she should be asleep but with all the racket coming from downstairs it was hard to fall asleep, she was thirsty and the bathroom sink up stairs was broken but she was to frightened to go downstairs to get something to drink. Sighing she sat up and tiptoed out of her room, amazed that no one was up here, Ashley and Aiden probably threatened them if they came up here there would be hell to pay and the twelve year old was sure the two would hold that promise._

_Sitting at the top of the stairs she watched the older people dancing, drinking and having a good time, she wished to be apart of it. She didn't like to be alone and she always seemed to get stuck by herself whether at home or at school, sure she had friends but she was still a kid and was on the outside of her own group only time any one didn't get on her was when she was a bitch to Aiden and Ashley. Her mom would yell and shake her for good grades and trying to gloat about it even though Spencer didn't think she was gloating about it at the time or just ignore her for being so smart and she was getting in trouble for little things and Glen never got in trouble but the one time Spencer thought she would be in trouble for the supposed spray paint and fight she got into with the school freak well to her surprise her mom took her out to her favorite restaurant and she got a new toy._

_Spencer watched Ashley dancing with a red head, the two girls grinding to the hard beat of the music blasting through the walls. It was so sexy and intoxicating, holding Spencer's attention like a cartoon, "Hey little girl!"_

_She turned away from Ashley to see a drunk teenage boy stumbling his way up to her, she stood up and backed away, "Your not suppose to be up here."_

"_No one will know," he looked her up and down. She took off and slammed her door shut locking it behind her before hiding under her blankets and falling asleep._

"_Open this fucking door!" Ashley's angry voice drifted into Spencer's hazy mind, opening her eyes she realized she had fallen asleep and that the party seemed to be over since no music or noise was coming from downstairs, she stumbled over to the door and opened it to see Ashley drunkenly swaying barely able to stand up, "Why was this door locked?"_

"_There was a..."_

"_...don't care," she cut Spencer off with a wave of her hand, "Now go clean up and it better be spotless when we get up." She started stumbling away to the guest room._

"_But I'm tired," Spencer whined._

"_Do it!" Ashley pointed before closing the door._

_Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she went downstairs to see plastic cups everywhere, trash and cigarette buds littering the tables and some of their pictures hanging crookedly on the walls, lip trembling at how tired she was and how unfair Ashley and Aiden were being to her she began to clean up. _

_The clock ticked to six in the morning and Spencer finished throwing the trash out she trudged back in and collapsed on the couch passing out immediately._

"Spencer?"

"Probably," she whispered looking up straight into Ashley's brown eyes, "But not as bad as I was."

TBC.


	8. Chapter 8

The two sat in silence unsure about how to go on, Ashley licked her lips in concentration, "Look lets forget about that for now and go on with the session," Spencer nodded in agreement not wanting to think about everything again, "So yesterday I asked about your relationship with your parents, let's start there."

Spencer sighed knowing there was no way out. If she didn't talk to Ashley than she'd be sent to the psych ward, "My dad left us when I was six. He was great always joking around and making me smile, helping me with my homework or taking Clay, Glen and I to the park to play."

"Clay?" Ashley asked searching her notes and memories, she knew of Glen, the boy was a basketball player dating Madison.

"My oldest brother, he's um twenty nine living in Oregon with his um husband Carl," her voice trailed off as all the feelings of abandonment and guilt washed over her.

"His husband, your brother is gay?" Ashley was shocked, how could the blonde be so mean toward her sexuality when she had a gay brother in the family.

"Yea, my mom found out when he was fifteen. Him and Carl met freshmen year of high school, things started getting tense around the house until she finally threw him out. Carl's family took them in but they had to move to Oregon, I was eight, which was the last time I saw my brother face to face."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Not since my sixteenth birthday,"

"What happened?" Ashley was glancing between her notebook, which she was constantly writing in at the moment, to Spencer who just stared down at her lap.

Tears threatened to fall but the woman held back like she taught her self so many years ago, "I was bitch to him...it was a bad day. Everyone forgot my birthday, my friends, my mom she was at work and Glen was off with Madison doing God knows what, not even a single happy birthday Spence. I woke up alone in the house." She sighed tilting her head back to keep the water from drifting out of her eyes which seemed to get harder and harder to do, "We got to talking about him not being around and I said some things that I really didn't mean to...Carl sends me pictures and letters though, I love him to death for that."

"So your okay with your brother being gay?" Spencer nodded, "Than why didn't you accept me or Aiden?"

Blue eyes danced around Ashley's face unable to focus on the brown eyes, Spencer realized that she hadn't been able to look anyone straight on for some time now and wondered when she stopped, "I didn't care that you were gay,"

Ashley bit her lip in frustration not wanting to accept the other woman's words because what other reason could there be for Spencer to act the way she did toward them, she was always bring up their sexual orientation, "Bullshit!" okay so she wasn't holding back as much as she hoped but that pissed her off.

"See, what ever I say you'll just think I'm lying!" Spencer shouted a bit more than she was aiming for making Ashley really stop and think, she'd dealt with cases before and always held an open mind, what ever the patient said had to be taken as truth until a time came where the lie was uncovered and she had to start putting this in practice with Spencer as well if she didn't want to lose her job.

"Fine," she sighed closing her eyes for a moment before setting her gaze upon the blonde once more, "Then why did you pick on us so much?"

Tilting her head she thought for a moment, "Because people liked me when I did it...because my mom liked me when I did it."

"How so?"

"Remember the paint can and detention we got?" Ashley nodded, "I thought for sure I'd get in trouble for it but when I got home my mom was all smiles, Glen had told her what happened, she took me out to my favorite place to eat and I got a new toy, she treated me normal like or at least treated me like she did Glen. I mean when I got good grades she'd tell me I could do better or if I tried to show them how much I succeeded in class I was told that I was being rude and mean by showing off and making them feel dumb."

The brunette was in awe at the fact the blonde's mom praised her for such bad behavior and scolded for good behavior, it opened up her eyes to a whole new set of questions and answers, she could see how Spencer ended up acting the way she did at school and toward Aiden and her self, "Are you married?"

Spencer's gaze shot up toward Ashley who held back a giggle at how frantic the younger girl seemed, "Random much?"

"Stalling much?" she shot back with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," her voice weak again, almost breaking with the one syllable word.

"What is his name?"

"Why do you assume it's a him?" Spencer asked unsure of why she did in the first place.

Ashley smirked up at her, "Are you saying it's a her?"

"I'm not saying that jus..."

"...than it is a him, correct?" she interrupted anything Spencer was going to say.

"Yes it's a him," she admitted finally after a few seconds of silence.

"Why did you ask me that then?" Ashley was getting a lot of information by the way Spencer spoke, moved, raised or lowered her voice and even in the silence the information flowed in volumes.

"I just hate how everyone assumes I like guys...I mean that...what I mean to say was that I'm with a guy,"

"No, I think you meant it just how you said it the first time,"

"Huh?"

"I saw the way you were checking out the nurse," Ashley smiled when Spencer shifted nervously in her bed.

"I wasn't," it was a feeble attempt at a lie.

"Spencer?" once she had the blonde's attention she moved a bit closer, "No one else is in this room and I promise not to judge you okay?"

Ashley waited as the younger woman thought over what the brunette had said, "Okay..."

With a warm smile Ashley came even closer grabbing Spencer's clammy hand staring straight into those baby blues that all of sudden produced a feeling Ashley hadn't felt in a very long time, like she was falling into a sea of emotions, drowning with in Spencer's depths and for some unknown reason she didn't want to find her way out.

"Are you gay?"

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

The feeling of Ashley's warm breathing on her face caused a weird new sensation run though her body, tensing she shifted away as far as possible with what lying in a hospital bed connected to wires will allow shaking her head quickly fear clouding her blue eyes, "No...no...no...no, I'm not gay...I'm not," she repeated over and over again.

Ashley didn't expect this kind of reaction, the blonde was in shock, shaking her head constantly reassuring the older girl with her words that she was not gay even though Ashley knew the truth but could see Spencer couldn't accept it at this moment, reaching out her warm fingers slid across heated flesh until she held the blonde's head in her hands forcing the girl to look at her, "It's okay Spence...you don't have to be gay if you don't want to, okay," she cooed unsure of her words because you don't really have a choice of who or what gender you love.

"I'm not Ashley, I'm not gay, right?" those sad blue eyes met hers with such panic behind them that it stilled Ashley's whole body with trepidation.

"Spencer listen," she began knowing she had no right to lie at this moment by allowing the woman to think she wasn't gay but wasn't going to force it out either, "We don't have to talk about that right now, okay," she stared hard into those troubled grey eyes different from the vibrant blue she was so use to seeing.

"But..."

Ashley placed her finger upon shaking moist lips, "...shhhh, no talking about it okay?" her brown orbs flickered to the door way seeing the nurses staring at the two, apparently Spencer's heart monitors and started going off alerting the staff to possible flat line if she didn't calm down.

"But..." her breathing was erratic and the nurses were edging there way in defying the subtly gestures from Ashley telling them to stay put and not interrupt, "I'm not...she won't allow it...he won't..."

the far away look in the woman's eyes scared Ashley more than anything at the moment, she had to calm her down and get her back but at the same time she wanted to know who she was or he for that matter, were they the same people and Spencer was confusing the pronouns up or if there was a he/she for real, "Spencer stop it...your going to pass out," she sternly told her in the most authoritative voice she could manage.

Spencer's head dropped and she brought Ashley in to her hugging her tight, cuddling her head into the crook of her neck, Ashley barely had time to stable her self by thrusting her arms to the top of the bed so she didn't fall over, "I'm sorry mommy don't punish me!" she sobbed into Ashley's shirt.

Again Ashley threw a look to the nurses, "Get out of here!" she growled, the two looked at each other, the older one about to protest, "I'm her therapist," she spoke softer trying to not fall over with one hand wrapped around the woman asking her mom not to punish her and the other holding her body up so she didn't squash the blonde beneath her.

This got there attention and they understood making haste out of the crazy room, "Please don't...I'm sorry," she hiccupped grabbing tighter.

"Shhhh, I'm not going to punish you, your safe," Ashley soothed shifting closer so her legs held her weight and she lowered her stiff arm down to wrap around Spencer who was shaking violently and muttering words on insecurity into the brunette's now soaked shirt. Ashley knew at times like these you can't do anything to calm a patient down even if Spencer had not yet been sent to an institution but if things kept up like this she was basically buying her ticket to the funny farm and this did nothing to settle Ashley's stomach. So she held her close hoping her arms showed Spencer she was safe and not going to be hurt, soon the blonde's grip loosened and she slumped.

She lowered the sleeping woman back onto the pillow, releasing the tight grip on her shirt and sitting down in the chair running her hands through her hair. She didn't realize how shaky she herself was until she did this motion, feeling her flesh quiver on her scalp. Licking her lips she stood, brown eyes trained on the not so peaceful woman sleeping before slipping out and walking down the barren hallway up to the nurses' station.

"What can I do for you Ms. Davies?" Linda Sampson, with her red hair and soft yellow eyes due to the contacts she wore smiled up to her. The thirty year old had a tender spot for Ashley since the young therapist started working here, so anything Ashley needed Linda was the woman to get it for her with out question, most of the time.

Leaning on the countertop she smirked, "Linda I thought you were on vacation?"

"Was and now I'm back, oh but you should have seen the Caribbean this time of year, so peaceful. Buddy and I went scuba diving off the coast of...well one of the islands I'm not sure which, we saw the most amazing colored fish..."

"That's great," she spoke a bit distractedly and Linda caught it. This time the red head took the time to look Ashley over, the messy clothing including the wet stained shirt and bags under her eyes.

"Are you alright dear you seem a bit..." she bit her lip searching for the right word, "scruffy?"

Ashley chuckled, only Linda would say a word like scruffy to make her feel better, "Didn't sleep well last night, I have a new patient, which by the way...can you help me with something?" she asked sloping forward with pleading eyes and a pout.

"Oh girl put that pout away, my two year old nephew pulls that and you think it works on me?" Linda waved her hand and continued before the brunette could say anything, "No of course not so yours won't either but I'm in a good mood so what do you want dear?"

Ashley had trouble holding back an eye roll as she shook her head, "Can you pull up the medical records for a Spencer Carlin for me?"

"Sure thing, once its done I'll put it on your desk," Linda started typing, "Now let me work woman and you go get some sleep."

"Okay don't have to push," Linda giggled shaking her head at the younger woman who stuck her tongue out before walking to the elevator and headed home.

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

Ashley strolled into her office, tossing her keys on the desk while rubbing the tired sleep from her eyes. Sitting down she saw the file for Spencer on the top of all her papers just as she reached for it her phone started going off, sighing she set it down and picked the phone up, "Ashley Davies speaking how can I help you?"

"Hey Ash what's up?" the small voice echoed through her ear drum.

"Kyla...Oh my god I haven't heard from you in forever!" Ashley sat up a bit straighter, excitement resounding through every word she spoke.

"I know, I know...I'm sorry. Ares and I just got back from the West Indies, he finished shooting his last set for the month so we decided to come back home for a while," 

Kyla Davies, half sister to Ashley who didn't even know she had a sister until her last year in high school when her father died and Kyla showed up due to the fact her mother was with him and died as well in the car accident. Raife's will gave Christine, his first wife and Ashley's mother custody of Kyla who was a few months younger than Ashley and so both graduated from King High at the same time. Through the years a lot had happened but it only brought them closer in the end. Kyla married Ares Turner, photographer genius, the two travel a lot but always keep in touch.

Ashley leaned back in her chair throwing her legs up on the desk, smirking, "So how much of the Indies did you really see?"

"Ash," Kyla whined, her sister was always bringing up sex, it was like she was addicted to making everyone uncomfortable with the subject since she was so comfortable with it.

"Joking," Ashley chuckled picturing the deep blush growing on her sister's tanned skin. A good thing about being a Davies' is the dark complexion that helped hide their embarrassment.

"Yeah, yeah sure you were...anyway, the Indies were wonderful and very romantic. Ares took me on this cruise, wonderful food," Kyla ranted on and on about her wonderful husband and how much fun the whole trip was, for the most part Ashley listened, tuning out every once and while, her hazel orbs staring daggers at the file on her desk, the light brown folder with it's infinite information pertaining to her case, "...so how is she?"

This brought her back into the conversation, "How's who?' she asked completely caught of guard.

"You know who Ash," Kyla's voice took on a more stern tone.

Just then it clicked, her sister was talking about Spencer but the only way she could have known was if... "You've been talking to Aiden haven't you?"

Kyla and Aiden had dated briefly after high school, with everything that Aiden had gone through he went through a three month I'm-not-gay-at-all phase and Kyla was his girlfriend of choice, things ended on an awkward note seeing as the small brunette had found him in bed with another guy but the two stayed friends in the end.

"Well I did call the house first, today was suppose to be your day off remember. I can't help it that when he picked up the first thing out of his mouth was that Spencer Carlin is your new patient."

"Yeah well I can't talk about it," Ashley sighed deeply she hated how everyone wanted to know about her patients and no matter how many times she said she couldn't talk about it they still asked.

"I know, sorry...it's just wow, we haven't seen her since what the day before graduation." Kyla spoke quietly unsure of the topic as the blonde always seemed to set Ashley off in some way.

"She didn't even show up to get her diploma," Ashley remembered looking around for the blonde hoping the girl and her followers didn't try and ruin this special day for her and Aiden.

"Wasn't there a rumor that she didn't want to share the stage with you and Aiden because she didn't want to catch the gayness or something?" Ashley rolled her eyes at her sister.

"How do you even remember a rumor like that from high school?"

"Same reason you remember all the pain, some things just stick out...when I heard it I thought how stupid you can't catch it, it's not a disease...for some reason that just stuck with me I guess," shouting could be heard in the back ground.

"Ares?"

"Who else, we're getting out of the cab now...why don't we have lunch tomorrow?"

"Totally, can't wait to see you," Ashley smiled, she missed her sister at times, "Oh are you and Ares coming to Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Yep, Christine bugged me for a full month and than when I still refused went behind my back and talked to Ares and you know how much he things she's sweet," Ashley could hear the bitter sarcasm dripping from her sister's mouth. Christine had a way of making people think she was nice and a great mother but she was far from it.

"Than Aiden and I will see you there but we can talk more about it tomorrow at lunch,"

"Great see you soon, bye Ash,"

"Bye Kyla...love you..."

"Love you too sis," Ashley hung up her phone and glanced down at the folder. 

Grabbing it she opened it to the front page and scanned all the information, eyes bugging out, mouth drying up and a lump formed in her throat...

Total of:

Thirty Broken Bones

Five Concussions

One Fractured Wrist

Cuts and Bruises from several 'accidents'

Even the reports from doctors had come up with abuse but somehow it got swept under the rug several times, there was what felt like a million reports of Spencer ending up in the hospital after graduation. Than it happened, the date jumped out at her and she flipped straight to it and felt tears well up in her eyes, she knew the real reason Spencer didn't show up for graduation...

Patient suffered from a broken femur where the perpetrator violently forced himself on her, she has deep gashes on her stomach and forearms as well as a severe concussion, nurses will watch for signs that the concussion can produce. A black eye as well as a split lip, along with a questionable tattoo etched into her skin just above her pubic region.

Ashley stared at the words trying to figure out what the hell happened to put the girl in such a condition besides the rape and what the symbol carved into her meant.

TBC...


End file.
